Pulling Aidens Vent

Today, they decided aiden would be ready to pull his vent. So, at about 330 they pulled his vent, put him on some increase bipap setting, and we are hoping for the best. He is having some increase work of breathing, and lower blood gases, but the doctors are still hoping... as well as I am that he is strong enough to be without his vent. My poor baby just cannot catch a break. He is such a trooper, but I think its just not enough for him when I'm not down there with him. He is brave, but has learned the difference between nurses, doctors, respitory therapist, and family. He cries everytime anyone other than family enters the room. Sometimes, he even gives me "the look" to make sure families okay.
He does still loveee his daddy though too!! Once they pulled his vent last time, dada was the first thing that popped out of his mouth!!! I dont really care though, as long as he is happy. The nurses said they are going to keep a close eye on him through the night, and see if he can get his strength up enough to stay on the bipap..
Jeff and I dont really know where we are going to do from here. I always thought about, "what if" the bipap didnt work.. but I am just not ready for that time to come. I just think aiden is to strong, and I dont want a machine to breath for him, especially since I think he is still strong enough to do it on his own. Hopefully, he will have a full 360 by morning. If not, maybe he will do better if im just there. I guess only time will tell :) Thanks again for all the love and support

My letter To God

Dear God,
As I travel home from spending time with my son, I have lots of time to think about life. I pray for the strength, and health to get up every morning. Please give me enough will power to get through the day without being upset. I hope to not sin, be nasty, evil, or hateful. I want to be happy, loving, and helpful. I want the strength to show how thankful I am for everything you have provided for me in life, and all the challenges I have been able to conquer. I want for Aiden to know that hes loved, more than I could ever show or tell him. I hope he knows his happyness is one of the things I strive for everyday, and I would give anything to make him healthy.
I do want you to know, I find it unfair you have chosen such a sweet, loving baby to have such a horrible illness. Although I am not mad, I know you do have a plan for me. I will never know what the plan is ahead of time, or why you chose for things to happen. If I could ever ask for anything, it would be for you to take as much of Aidens pain away as you possibly could, even if it means inflicting it upon myself. For he is my one true love, and I depend on you to watch over him while I am not with him. I depend on the strength you give me, to make it through the week, so I am able to work..then go see him. Please help me get him heatlhy through this rough time in our lives, for I cannot be there as much as I was last time. Please help him in a safe return home.
Love Always & Forever
Sarah-Aidens Mommy