Letter to Aiden Before we Found hope

october 19th, 2009

AIDEN WILLIAM-- when i first layed eyes on you febuary 1, 2009 at 5:04 am, all I could think was how perfect you were! you were dark complected, bright blue eyes, long eye lashes, and looked just like daddy! i couldnt believe mommy && daddy had created such a perfect baby!! And i thought about the past 9 months you had made such a fuss in mommies belly!! From day one, you were perfect. mommy wanted everyone to know how amazingly beautiful you were, and how you were such a great tempered baby. you hardly ever cried, you loved mommy, loved to be held and just loved on. all i wanted to do was lay around with you and feed you, love on you, nap with you, change your diaper, and just comfort you. the first few weeks the only way you would sleep is if you were cuddled up on mommys chest in only a diaper!! you would place your head right on mommies heart. this made mommy feel so loved. you also loved BATH TIME!! just laying in the water splashing your legs and just relaxing in the warm water. from the day you came home, you were always safe. no only were you safe with mommy and daddy, but rye rye fell in love with you automatically!! you were her baby, she even barked at mommy sometimes when i would want to hold you (( it was nap time and she didnt want anyone bothering her baby))...Everything was so perfect, mommy had handsome daddy, perfect baby, and two wonderful puppies. Then on September 25th, 2009, Dr. Sanders diagnosed you with Spinal Muscular Atrophy. He then let mommy in on your little secret, ((**you were mommies angel**))..he then explained how your muscles were going to get weak and you would soon go back to heaven with god. Aiden, i would give you ANY & EVERY part of my body to give you a long happy life. unfortunatlly, that would not help you stay strong. Once mommy came to realized there was nothing i could do to help you, i felt so wonderful god had chosen to give me MY own angel baby-**Aiden Beck**! ((mommy always knew you were to perfect)) Not even a month has passed since they told mommy you were going to be my angel. In that time, you have had a feeding tube put in your belly to eat, put on a ton of medications, had your throat suctioned, and the dreaded hopsital visits. I want you to know, mommy loves you soo very much, more than my own life. if i could give you anything, it would just to be healthy and happy!! Everytime i have to suck you out, or bring you to the hopsital, its for ONE MORE day with you. I am just not ready to let you go. I love you so much and i cant imagin how my life is going to be once your gone. i wake up every morning (( and in the middle of the night)) just to see your beautiful baby smile, hear you cry, smell your baby smell, and just hold you. i never want you to be in pain, and when the time is right, i will let you go, back to heaven to get your beautiful wings from god. i know he & grandma lile will be taking good care of my baby. i also know you will be out of pain and watching over mommy and daddy. Once your gone, i will still think about you everyday and i will never forget the joy you brought mommy and daddy. you are my miracle baby bubba..I love you..
Love Always & Forever,
Mommy